Some say it's a SHAME -- Some say it's a MISUNDERSTANDING -- Some say it's a LIE
Some say it's HER FAULT -- Some say it's HIS FAULT

It's DATE RAPE  ** It's WRONG ** It's a CRIME!

It's hard to think of someone familiar -- a date, a steady boyfriend, or a casual acquaintance -- as a rapist. Familiarity makes you less inclined to trust your self-protective instincts. Being forced into having sex -- even if it's by someone you know -- is still RAPE and it's a CRIME. Nothing you do, say, or wear gives anyone the right to assault you, sexually or otherwise.

Some Things To Think About

Men and women are both responsible for preventing sexual assault. Poor communication -- mixed signals, body language that contradicts the spoken word -- are often key factors in DATE RAPE.

• You have the right to set limits.

• Communicate those limits clearly. E.S.P. doesn't work.

• Trust your instincts. If a situation doesn't feel right, change the situation or get away from it.

• Be aware of sex-role stereotypes such as: "It's macho to score" and "Being assertive is unfeminine." These attitudes get in the way of honest relationships.

• Speak up when others joke or talk about their sexual conquests. Let others know where you stand.

• Party time? Remember, drugs and alcohol decrease your ability to take care of yourself and make sensible decisions.

• "How about an intimate dinner for two at my place?"  "Want to come up and listen to my new CD?"  "Your roommate's out for the evening. Let's study at your place."  "This party's a drag. Let's leave."   Don't fall for those tired old lines...read between them.

Plan Ahead

• First date or blind date? Check him out with friends. Go to a public place (a movie, restaurant, or campus event) and with friends, not alone.

• Don't leave a party, concert or bar with someone you just met or don't know well, no matter how charming they are.

• Be wary of behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable. It if persists, leave.

• Stand up for yourself. If someone is pressuring you, say that you don't like it -- and mean it.

 For Men Only

• It's never all right to force yourself on a woman, even if...

...she teases you or dresses provocatively.
...she says "No" and you think she means "Yes."
...you've had sex with her before.
...you've paid for a night on the town or an expensive gift.
...you've been dating a long time and you think it's time.

• Do not assume you both want the same degree of intimacy.

• If you have doubts...Stop. Ask. Clarify.  Protect yourself from a charge of rape because you didn't ask.

• It's OK not to "score."  Real men can take "no" for an answer.

• Being drunk or stoned is no excuse. Having sex with someone who is, is rape.

• Gang Rape -- a dare, a joke, a party game? No.  It's RAPE. It's WRONG. It's a CRIME.

Note: Men can be victims of rape and have the same rights to counseling and legal action that women do.

If It Happens To You

One of the most important things a rape victim can do is tell someone -- the police, a friend, the rape crisis center, a counselor. Don't isolate yourself, don't feel guilty, and don't just try to ignore it. Rape, whether by a stranger or by someone you know, is a violation of your body and your trust.

Do not shower, wash, douche, or change your clothes, even though that's your immediate reaction. See medical attention.

• If you choose to press charges, the evidence will be there.

• You may have internal injuries.

• Don't live with the fear of VD or AIDS.

• Get counseling to help you deal with your feelings.

If It Happens To Someone You Know

• Listen. Do not judge.

• Give comfort. Let her know she's not to blame. Realize she may be dealing with fear, embarrassment, humiliation and guilt.

• Encourage action. Stand by her decision to call the police, contact a hotline, go to the hospital.

• Do not be overly protective. Encourage her to make decisions and take control as soon as she feels able.

• Don't let your own feelings get in the way of helping her.

Spread The Word

• College athletes -- talk to high school athletes about sexual stereotyping and responsible behavior.

• Panhellenic Council and student government -- sponsor dating expectation workshops using discussions, role playing, and videos. Ask your rape crisis center to assist.

• Concerned students -- write letters to the editors of student and community newspapers to focus on the issues of date rape and communication between the sexes.

• Theater classes -- produce a play on date rape and perform it at junior and senior high school assemblies.

• Art and Communications students -- set up a display on sexual stereotypes in campus and community libraries.

• Psychology majors -- design and implement a campus-wide survey on date rape situations and attitudes.